


the sun will shine on us again

by september28



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Body Image, Depression, Drinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 22:36:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20768072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/september28/pseuds/september28
Summary: The things Thor never forgets almost kill him.





	the sun will shine on us again

_“The sun will shine on us again, brother.”_

Thor scoffs at the thought of it. It’s been five years since he heard his brother’s voice, yet the sound rings through his head every time he closes his eyes. When he tries hard enough, he can forget how his lover looked in his final moments. He can forget the blood smeared onto his cape, the dirt soaked into his face, the pain in his eyes as he mouthed his final words. He can’t, however, remember the moments before and after the death; he knows words were said, something about moving the ship, needing to return to Earth, but Thor couldn’t remember it even before the drinking started.

The name he sighs sounds so foreign.

_Loki._

The things Thor never forgets almost kill him.

They used to play games, him and Loki, on Asgard. Thor would hide in the castle, and Loki would look for him for mere minutes before he was found. Looking back, it was probably the magic that always helped Loki find him. When the roles were reversed, it would take Thor hours to find Loki, if he was even able to. It usually ended in Thor giving up and crying, and Loki making it better before teasing him.

The games were the best part about falling in love. It was as if everyone knew the truth: everyone knew Loki was so unbelievably in love with Thor except Thor. He feels stupid now. Maybe they would’ve had ten, twenty, thirty more years of love. Loki had Thor so tightly wound in his fingers that he would do anything for him.

The first time they ever felt each other, Loki breathed out “You can never hide from me, brother. I’ll always find you.”

Thor makes his way to the bathroom, to where the only mirror in the house is, out of habit. He doesn’t look up.

_“Would you kill for me?” Loki asked him once, when Thor was beneath Loki and buried inside of him. Loki stopped rocking his hips._

_“Yes.” Thor said. “I would kill the entire realm if it meant I had your love.”_

Thor was the first one to say I love you, of course. He was always the first to do everything: the first to initiate their kiss, their first time, their games. He can’t ever forget telling Loki that he loved him, no matter how many cheap bottles of alcohol he drowns himself in.

They had been fucking for a while. They were young, in their early years, still all wonky legs and unproportional torsos and arms and appendages. As the years progressed, and they filled out their warrior bodies and found their movements, it became clear that Loki was always a place Thor could go to, a place he could lose himself and just be Loki’s.

Thor looks at his reflection, only for a moment, and can remember.

_“Have you ever loved someone?”_

_It didn’t take Loki long to respond. “Yes. Mother. I’ve always loved her. Father, I can’t say the same.”_

_“Not like that, Loki.” Of course Loki knew what Thor meant, he was just playing dumb. He wanted the words to be pulled out of him like a magic trick, like string. Thor was the only person that could make the words flow out of him like water._

_“No.” Loki said, too stubborn to admit that he was in love with the blonde haired prince in front of him. Thor sighed and picked at his fingertips. “I’ve said it though.”_

_This was more of the answer he was looking for. “Who?”_

_“Others. In the past. I didn’t mean it. I say things to keep people around.” Loki smiled a bit. “You should know that.”_

_“And have you ever been loved?”_

_“It’s not hard to fall in love with me.” Loki smirked. He knew, he knew so well that Thor was uncontrollably in love with him, that he would do anything to spend the rest of his life with him._

_It took minutes before Thor said anything else. Loki wanted him to say it so badly. They had been close before, to confessing, when Loki was fucked out on Thor’s cock and the love was practically spilling out of him._

_“Have you felt love, Thor?” Loki asked, pulling Thor’s hand away from his fingers when he saw blood break through._

_“Yes.” He said, without missing a beat. “It’s consuming me.”_

_Loki couldn’t respond without letting Thor know he felt the same way._

_“Will we always be together, brother?” Thor asked him, looking at Loki with so much longing and love that it was pouring from his eyes, his mouth, his fingers._

_“There will never be a day where I won’t think about you.” Loki responded. He could feel it, he knew Thor was close to caving, to saying three words. _I’m yours. Please, just let me be yours.

_“Do not ever leave me.” Thor finally says. “I cannot live with myself without you by my side.”_

_“I know.” Loki’s voice almost breaks._

_“I love you.” Thor says, fingers finally bloody. Loki grabs his hand and pushes it to his chest, where his heart it._

_“As long as my heart beats, it belongs to you.” Loki says at last._

Thor’s face was loveable once. His body was loveable. At least to Loki it was.

Thor’s face puckers and he throws a bottle against the wall, slams his fist into the mirror and breaks it. He knows what the people outside must be thinking, Oh no. A storm is coming tonight.

He hates them, he hates how everyone knows how broken he is without Loki by his side. They talked about ruling the world together. They talked about how when Odin died, Thor would marry Loki, making him his King, and they would rule all the realms. And he would hurt anyone who disrespected his King. He would give Loki anything he wanted, and everything he had to offer.

The mirror cracks even more. Thor picks it up and throws it into the same path as his bottle. Everyday was goddamn pain, and every night there was a thunderstorm.

He wants to yell, he wants to tell Loki that he promised, no, he pinky promised he would never leave him. He wants to tell him that it was supposed to be them, the two of them, ruling against all other realms, just the two of them forever, never needing another thing. He picks up another bottle, drinks it, and sends it flying. He falls onto the bed and looks at the ceiling. He can’t remember what Loki tastes like. Thousands of years of biting, drinking, milking Loki and all Thor can taste is worthless alcohol.

He looks at his hand. Bloody. Of course.

“It was supposed to be us.” He whispers, scared to say it louder because if he heard himself admit that he couldn’t live without Loki, he might end everything. “You lied.”

The sun was supposed to shine on them again.

All that Thor remembers is rain.


End file.
